Thoughts from My Sponsor

Frank W.

From my view, my role as sponsor (better described, I think, as “guide”) is:

• To listen carefully, respond thoughtfully, pray diligently and care deeply while recognizing that I can only carry the message, not my sponsee. A sponsee is responsible for working their program, not me.
• To limit my guidance to what SAA literature tells me about the 12 Step Program and my own experience in that regard, leaving counseling, professional, medical or financial help and all other such non-recovery issues to others.
  

• To be available to a sponsee 24 hours a day, seven days a week as long as that sponsee is not acting out, is trying to practice the Program and exercises reasonable judgment in getting in touch and seeking help.
• To not be a banker, baby sitter, employer or other such service provider.

I think the sponsee has the following obligations:

• To keep an open mind, carefully consider the sponsor’s guidance and work the 12 Step Program reasonably diligently.
• To not act out sexually and to attend a predetermined number of meetings.
• To have an agreed upon meeting/email schedule to “check in” and work the Steps.
• To fire your sponsor if he does not make you very mad on occasion.

Some assumptions I have:

• Working the Program is a life-long undertaking and an addict is always moving, either toward or away from recovery. I might catch my breath in working my program, but not for long, and will keep up the pressure on sponsees to do the same.
• I look at my sobriety as having two “phases.” The first is not acting out and that is clearly fundamental. If I don’t do that, all else is lost. But there is also a second stage, growing in sobriety, and continued practice of the Program opens the door to a wonderful life based on the Promises coming true. Said another way, the fear of the consequences of not being in recovery, keeps me focused on Stage I and the benefits of a sober life keep me forever moving toward more and more serenity, peace and joy, Stage II.
• I care about “personal history” but only as a source of information upon which to work the Steps, not an excuse for current or future behavior. Whining is not a well-respected or long-tolerated activity.
• Sensitivity is important but clear, direct and honest communication is more important. Thick skin is a valued possession.
• “Slips” scare me to death and I don’t take them lightly. I believe we all have one more slip in us, for sure, but we don’t know if we have another recovery.
• My spirituality is very important to me; I have a conventional, Judeo-Christian concept of a Higher Power who I call God. I have no reservations about referring to my God, prayer and other spiritual practices and encourage a sponsee to address dependence on a Higher Power of their choice.
• I believe a “spiritual awakening” as defined in Step 12 of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions is crucial to progress; but, as the book says, “Maybe there are as many kinds of spiritual awakenings as there are people who have had them.”

Tags: Sponsorship